swimming in the mall

divers-underwater-ocean-swim-68767.jpeg
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

the best place to remember and find myself is in the middle of a bustling mall
where the sidebench can be my armchair

and the pleasant scurryings of the shoppers-by
can be my rhythm and also my tide to swim against

~

it requires energy to swim against the current [of mental noise]

just as it takes energy to dive into your craft and find the place where
stroke after stroke, you and the activity flow together as one

and you no longer exist aside from the conscious being watching words appear,
watching lengths unfold

~

i’m swimming again, in the world’s sea, moving and remaining still

every blank page, every still mile of water is full of exactly the lifesource i need

 

i hope it’s clear that engaging here is as necessary to my survival as breathing

and in fact, i’ve already lost myself, blown off steam, given away my troubles, taken as many deep breaths as a yoga class could provide

i kind of can’t believe how easy it was to arrive here

~

the drive and requirement to be the best that i can be in turn requires that i pull away to rejuvenate, however selfish that may seem

i can rise to the occasion as required
and i believe i have it all in me
but i do not want to feel inadequate
for not rising to an occasion
that does not [currently] exist for me.

trip to the mall

crown group modern motion
Photo by Burst on Pexels.com

why should the act of wrapping two polycarbonate (read: plastic) pens in a brown envelope
and securing them with care and a piece of red tape
when no wrappings were required

be viewed as a new-age-post-sale-customer-retention-luxury-value gimmick?

should we not stretch ourselves beyond the ordinary everyday
to make the seemingly mundane seem less so?

~

the bright signs and well-lit displays
I might previously have seen as being pointlessly materialistic are now
easily, breathtaking reminders of the beauty of human ingenuity.

~

we will stop at nothing.

the fact that we can do it,
is reason enough to perform an act

isn’t it?

 

 

love (one)

close up photo of coconut tree
Photo by Suparerg Suksai on Pexels.com

i need to love deeply

the way that i used to when

i didn’t have an object for my love

and i had time to feel

how simultaneously heartbreaking and lovely it was, to love

 

i need to love, the way i used to when

winds whipped my hair around my face and blew the staleness out of my soul

when i went walking near the lake

just because i could

just because i loved to

 

averaged

blur calm waters dawn daylight
Photo by Gabriela Palai on Pexels.com

i don’t recognize my life anymore, it’s living itself

there isn’t a place i can rest my head that feels like my home

maybe that was a concept only for childhood

~

i’m like tempered glass, i can take anything and never break

but i feel nothing either

~

my highs and my lows have been averaged out

to a near-constant forbearance

~

i don’t know if i’m stronger for keeping it together

or stronger if i’d let myself unravel

~

it makes me happy to make you happy

but i don’t know who i am anymore

or if i should strive to be anyone at all

silence

red and blue hot air balloon floating on air on body of water during night time
Photo by Bess Hamiti on Pexels.com

 

i get that we need to communicate and share, and lead

but sometimes i just miss being quiet.

 

there is so much going on when nothing is being said,
so many paths forming, so many ideas becoming concrete

so many particles of being vibrating at just the right
frequency to feel at one with the whole

 

silence is to speaking as dreaming is to waking

for me at least, it needs to be a regular thing