bounds

desert during nighttime
Photo by Walid Ahmad on Pexels.com

there are some people whose eyes tell you
that they desire more than where they find themselves

~

it feels nice to be understood by a lover
but you have to understand yourself more

exploring things about oneself
without breaking prior commitments is the challenge

who am i? is not the question i am asking

what are my bounds and limitations?

that’s more it

~

the thoughts we have and conceal
eat away inside leaving a most
dissatisfied kind of longing

space

space research science astronaut
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

at times i feel that my mind
has grown up faster than my circumstance

~

i don’t want to have outgrown you

i dont want to have come to the end of the page

~

i don’t think we are growing together as much as we are bumping into each other along the turbulent way up to space in a rocketship,
our trajectories together until we break out of the atmosphere

and then, no one really knows

~

i want to explore this wide open space of life

and maybe the only reason i need you is to have a place to come home

a relative to my changes,
a baseline

~

we should be able to get off this ride
when we want to, when it’s over

but i guess it
just
keeps
going

and part of me knows that the journey would be no different
had i started it with someone else by my side.

there is only so long you can stay wrapped up in a person
before the wool falls off your eyes
and your own self demands more from you than they ever could

~

so, this has been fun,
but, i have places i am trying to go

and i don’t think it makes sense for you to try to come along.

you’re on your own journey
and i’m sure we’ll meet up in a space cafe somewhere
to exchange stories and give nods of encouragement
before pushing off again
into our space

second generation

person holding clear glass ball
Photo by Nizam Abdul Latheef on Pexels.com

i can hold my own in a conversation not in my language
because i’ve learnt it, piecemeal, in response to demand

but wait – it could have been my language all along, right
and the fact that it isn’t
is the fault of experiences that even with good reason,
just don’t seem to quite line up

it’s amazing how wrong you can feel
about your life that is supposedly so right
and how you are a different person in each of your circles
so that no one will know the many ways in which you don’t fit in

it’s both maddening and heartbreaking to know
that you’ll never be good enough
for the people you supposedly resemble the most

nothing matters

lightning and gray clouds
Photo by Andre Furtado on Pexels.com

i never learn, do i

that nothing matters
except whether i stay true
to the belief that i’ve been
given to care for

and no achievements remain
except an even, thankful disposition
and unyieldingly faithful heart

i sometimes have these both
for a few moments before the scared,
childlike parts of me resurface
seeking attention

 

 

 

swimming in the mall

divers-underwater-ocean-swim-68767.jpeg
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

the best place to remember and find myself is in the middle of a bustling mall
where the sidebench can be my armchair

and the pleasant scurryings of the shoppers-by
can be my rhythm and also my tide to swim against

~

it requires energy to swim against the current [of mental noise]

just as it takes energy to dive into your craft and find the place where
stroke after stroke, you and the activity flow together as one

and you no longer exist aside from the conscious being watching words appear,
watching lengths unfold

~

i’m swimming again, in the world’s sea, moving and remaining still

every blank page, every still mile of water is full of exactly the lifesource i need

 

i hope it’s clear that engaging here is as necessary to my survival as breathing

and in fact, i’ve already lost myself, blown off steam, given away my troubles, taken as many deep breaths as a yoga class could provide

i kind of can’t believe how easy it was to arrive here

~

the drive and requirement to be the best that i can be in turn requires that i pull away to rejuvenate, however selfish that may seem

i can rise to the occasion as required
and i believe i have it all in me
but i do not want to feel inadequate
for not rising to an occasion
that does not [currently] exist for me.