blue jellyfish in water
Photo by Diogo Brandao on Pexels.com

I’m using up all of my energy treading mind’s water,
afraid to sink below the surface even for a moment.

It’s not that I can’t hold my breath;
it’s that shutting my eyes and allowing the waves to take me under
will heighten my eternal senses,
my heart.

I’m avoiding being silent, avoiding it quite deliberately,
swimming from activity to caffeinated activity,
creating more reasons to stay here, afloat.

I’m afraid to know what’s down there

but more afraid that
despite my long-held belief that the darkness is also home to a sunken treasure,

there won’t be anything else at all there with me
and I’ll know that I am truly alone.

nights like these

man walking on the empty street
Photo by Alex Fu on Pexels.com

sometimes i really want to dip my toes back into the stream of the past

my fun apartment late nights on the streets of capital of nations
and other places in my head

all the moments        stretched         out          as          far as they could

before gooping back          like chewing gum


its actually a lot easier now

because im trying to remember a feeling

rather than building one anew

where i have to crawl through it and feel around the walls to figure out, where am i

this is like being back somewhere familiar

i know where all the keys on my keyboards are

but i have to start from what feels right to know

what the next letter will be


its nights like these that

make me want to fall in love again

on a walk with a stranger

on a rain-soaked street in suburban university city drinking SoBe from sobeys


i’ve been here before

and thats exactly why i need to leave

this intoxication with intoxication itself is cringeworthy

even though it’s been,


so much fun