bounds

desert during nighttime
Photo by Walid Ahmad on Pexels.com

there are some people whose eyes tell you
that they desire more than where they find themselves

~

it feels nice to be understood by a lover
but you have to understand yourself more

exploring things about oneself
without breaking prior commitments is the challenge

who am i? is not the question i am asking

what are my bounds and limitations?

that’s more it

~

the thoughts we have and conceal
eat away inside leaving a most
dissatisfied kind of longing

space

space research science astronaut
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at times i feel that my mind
has grown up faster than my circumstance

~

i don’t want to have outgrown you

i dont want to have come to the end of the page

~

i don’t think we are growing together as much as we are bumping into each other along the turbulent way up to space in a rocketship,
our trajectories together until we break out of the atmosphere

and then, no one really knows

~

i want to explore this wide open space of life

and maybe the only reason i need you is to have a place to come home

a relative to my changes,
a baseline

~

we should be able to get off this ride
when we want to, when it’s over

but i guess it
just
keeps
going

and part of me knows that the journey would be no different
had i started it with someone else by my side.

there is only so long you can stay wrapped up in a person
before the wool falls off your eyes
and your own self demands more from you than they ever could

~

so, this has been fun,
but, i have places i am trying to go

and i don’t think it makes sense for you to try to come along.

you’re on your own journey
and i’m sure we’ll meet up in a space cafe somewhere
to exchange stories and give nods of encouragement
before pushing off again
into our space

second generation

person holding clear glass ball
Photo by Nizam Abdul Latheef on Pexels.com

i can hold my own in a conversation not in my language
because i’ve learnt it, piecemeal, in response to demand

but wait – it could have been my language all along, right
and the fact that it isn’t
is the fault of experiences that even with good reason,
just don’t seem to quite line up

it’s amazing how wrong you can feel
about your life that is supposedly so right
and how you are a different person in each of your circles
so that no one will know the many ways in which you don’t fit in

it’s both maddening and heartbreaking to know
that you’ll never be good enough
for the people you supposedly resemble the most

nothing matters

lightning and gray clouds
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i never learn, do i

that nothing matters
except whether i stay true
to the belief that i’ve been
given to care for

and no achievements remain
except an even, thankful disposition
and unyieldingly faithful heart

i sometimes have these both
for a few moments before the scared,
childlike parts of me resurface
seeking attention

 

 

 

life’s steady trickle

nature pine raindrops drops of water
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there’s almost nothing that can’t be dissolved

by life’s steady trickle

as it falls over the illusions

we create for ourselves

~

a stiff body indicates a stiff soul

cold finders indicate a need to bring one self together

~

we’ve always been working with an iffy landscape,
of treacherous peaks and temperamental valleys

nothing we build lasts for long

~

it becomes easier to escape the noise when there is a lot of it

easier to find oneself when buried under a mountain of change and uncertainty

easier to fall off the cliffs and realize that our falls are not unsupported

~

it takes strength to pull aside the drapes to let sunlight in

it takes strength to pull aside the habit from our faces to let divinity in

but we are awfully glad that we have

life (one)

woman in white dress shirt
Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

You know when you’re focused on something

and all of a sudden, you feel inexplicably
jerked
back to “life”?

It feels like you only just woke up from an unknown sleep.
And like some previously evasive truth has been made resoundingly clear.

And you feel grateful/sort of happy because the thing you
were so intently focused on,
can’t possibly be as important as LIFE.

And then you realize, you’ve been at this realization
before.

And then you wonder if you are meant to go in circles
or if you are simply not getting life.

And then you get called back to task.

Again.