relationships – nor of the west

homespun

i wish you would be happy with what i am

but it’s hard for you
because i’m cut from a cloth you find difficult, stiff and scratchy

i’ve laid myself against the hot iron of your expectations
so often that i’m pliable beyond requirement
and even i’ve started to believe that your way of being, is better

i’m willing to adapt and i even see the benefits
of taking risks, dreaming big, of doing and being everything that my weavers never apparently contemplated

sadly an unplanned douse of cold, watery reality is all it takes to undo the careful treatments we’ve applied

and your ensuing disappointment is felt in every limp thread

i silently implode with anger and disgust
at the state of my development
over which i had no control
until such time as control became synonymous
with a near-complete rejection of
the values and approaches of the people
who gave me everything i needed
to get here

no vacancy

all the thoughts that have come before
have been my imperfect religion

there really isn’t room for
everything that once passed through my mind
to become a tenant now

you know that,
eviction won’t really be in the cards and we’ll have a whole host of other problems on our hands then

it won’t be the crowding —

it will be the breeding

bringing out mutants
whose only fault is their existence

bounds

desert during nighttime — Photo by Walid Ahmad on Pexels.com

there are some people whose eyes tell you
that they desire more than where they find themselves

it feels nice to be understood by a lover
but you have to understand yourself more

exploring things about oneself
without breaking prior commitments is the challenge

who am i? is not the question i am asking

what are my bounds and limitations?

that’s more it

the thoughts we have and conceal
eat away inside leaving a most
dissatisfied kind of longing

space

at times i feel that my mind
has grown up faster than my circumstance

i don’t want to have outgrown you

i dont want to have come to the end of the page

i don’t think we are growing together as much as we are bumping into each other along the turbulent way up to space in a rocketship,
our trajectories together until we break out of the atmosphere

and then, no one really knows

i want to explore this wide open space of life

and maybe the only reason i need you is to have a place to come home

a relative to my changes,
a baseline

we should be able to get off this ride
when we want to, when it’s over

but i guess it
just
keeps
going

and part of me knows that the journey would be no different
had i started it with someone else by my side.

there is only so long you can stay wrapped up in a person
before the wool falls off your eyes
and your own self demands more from you than they ever could

so, this has been fun,
but, i have places i am trying to go

and i don’t think it makes sense for you to try to come along.

you’re on your own journey
and i’m sure we’ll meet up in a space cafe somewhere
to exchange stories and give nods of encouragement
before pushing off again
into our space

second generation

person holding clear glass ball — Photo by Nizam Abdul Latheef on Pexels.com

i can hold my own in a conversation not in my language
because i’ve learnt it, piecemeal, in response to demand

but wait – it could have been my language all along, right
and the fact that it isn’t
is the fault of experiences that even with good reason,
just don’t seem to quite line up

it’s amazing how wrong you can feel
about your life that is supposedly so right
and how you are a different person in each of your circles
so that no one will know the many ways in which you don’t fit in

it’s both maddening and heartbreaking to know
that you’ll never be good enough
for the people you supposedly resemble the most

compromise

human hands illustrations — Photo by Matheus Viana on Pexels.com

we play nice and continue
for harmony’s sake
since promises are kept
including those one never intended to make

but when it’s time to put away the distractions
to take rest and sleep,
it’s a lonely night for any
that try to halfway meet

family

blooming blur close up daisy — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

sometimes our conversations create
such a nurturing environment
that a flower could grow out of the love between
and it does, the petals all of us

averaged

blur calm waters dawn daylight — Photo by Gabriela Palai on Pexels.com

i don’t recognize my life anymore, it’s living itself

there isn’t a place i can rest my head that feels like my home —
maybe that was a concept only for childhood

i’m like tempered glass, i can take anything and never break,
but i feel nothing either

my highs and my lows have been averaged out
to a near-constant forbearance

i don’t know if i’m stronger for keeping it together
or stronger if i’d let myself unravel

it makes me happy to make you happy
but i don’t know who i am anymore
or if i should strive to be anyone at all

humanity (one)

painted face of person portrait photo — Photo by Aneesh Ans on Pexels.com

people who blame us for the way that they feel
are the ones who need our help the most

and even though it is so, so difficult
when treated with contempt by said people,
to keep our emotions level
and to not balk, stagger, or cry

and to not let ourselves feel like absolute shit

we really need to try

because that’s the only way
to move humanity forward.