peace – nor of the west

spring

leave me alone

i don’t want to go to your party and i don’t want to explain why

i want to roll my shoulders out of the upcoming events
just as easily as i roll off the winter coat that has otherwise held me in

the air is confused, it’s like oil mixing with water under a car
not quite sure whether it’s one colour or many

i don’t want to

warm up to any excitements

not yours, not anyone’s

its just not about you,
so much so, that there is no you in my mind

i’m stirring like i do every spring
to things and peacefulness beyond what the world has ever given me

i want to be nowhere, but i definitely don’t want to be here

the warm air brings with it a nausea that might bring up everything that i’ve apparently been holding down

at once i breathe in and turn away from the breeze that will be my undoing

i get that we need to communicate and share, and lead

but sometimes i just miss being quiet.

there is so much going on when nothing is being said,
so many paths forming, so many ideas becoming concrete

so many particles of being vibrating at just the right
frequency to feel at one with the whole

silence is to speaking as dreaming is to waking

for me at least, it needs to be a regular thing

All we look for, is peace

and that’s the one thing that doesn’t want to be found.

We work eight hours to feel ten minutes of accomplishment,
walk for miles to feel a few minutes of burn, before pain sets in

and then we pray thrice or five times, just to keep ourselves framed in a reality that could go up in the flames of fear and doubt, at any moment.

We oscillate between extremes, running into, making, or hiding away from the noise of life

taking a few moments we can find, on a bus, on a train, to try going to the place we all need to go but have forgotten how.

Peace, I need a piece of you
to make me sweet and whole again.

Hopefully, you are enough to keep me going,
if I can find your source.

Are you doled out like medicine, only when I need you most

or can I be certain you’re abundant, like a river, fed by glaciers incomprehensible?

We need to be soothed, anointed with a balm that cuts through the arthritic buildup of anxiety and despair

and gives us the relief that is found in few an abode.