i never learn, do i
that nothing matters
except whether i stay true
to the belief that i’ve been
given to care for
and no achievements remain
except an even, thankful disposition
and unyieldingly faithful heart
i sometimes have these both
for a few moments before the scared,
childlike parts of me resurface
seeking attention
i will write on one side of the page only
and it can be someone else’s problem
to figure out where the paper will come from
there’s almost nothing that can’t be dissolved
by life’s steady trickle
as it falls over the illusions
we create for ourselves
~
a stiff body indicates a stiff soul
cold finders indicate a need to bring one self together
~
we’ve always been working with an iffy landscape,
of treacherous peaks and temperamental valleys
nothing we build lasts for long
~
it becomes easier to escape the noise when there is a lot of it
easier to find oneself when buried under a mountain of change and uncertainty
easier to fall off the cliffs and realize that our falls are not unsupported
~
it takes strength to pull aside the drapes to let sunlight in
it takes strength to pull aside the habit from our faces to let divinity in
but we are awfully glad that we have
You know when you’re focused on something
and all of a sudden, you feel inexplicably
jerked
back to “life”?
It feels like you only just woke up from an unknown sleep.
And like some previously evasive truth has been made resoundingly clear.
And you feel grateful/sort of happy because the thing you
were so intently focused on,
can’t possibly be as important as LIFE.
And then you realize, you’ve been at this realization
before.
And then you wonder if you are meant to go in circles
or if you are simply not getting life.
And then you get called back to task.
Again.
All we look for, is peace
and that’s the one thing that doesn’t want to be found.
We work eight hours to feel ten minutes of accomplishment,
walk for miles to feel a few minutes of burn, before pain sets in
and then we pray thrice or five times, just to keep ourselves framed in a reality that could go up in the flames of fear and doubt, at any moment.
We oscillate between extremes, running into, making, or hiding away from the noise of life
taking a few moments we can find, on a bus, on a train, to try going to the place we all need to go but have forgotten how.
~
Peace, I need a piece of you
to make me sweet and whole again.
Hopefully, you are enough to keep me going,
if I can find your source.
Are you doled out like medicine, only when I need you most
or can I be certain you’re abundant, like a river, fed by glaciers incomprehensible?
~
We need to be soothed, anointed with a balm that cuts through the arthritic buildup of anxiety and despair
and gives us the relief that is found in few an abode.
life is a never ending project with ever-expanding scope
always a scuff mark here, peeling paint there
socks that need folding, a too-old sofa set
~
we can’t ever really start from scratch
we stand on the shoulders of everyone who came before,
always indebted, but never able to fully pay
always moving forward, but never fully in control
~
there is something interesting and maddening and liberating about planning for something, then relinquishing nearly all control when it comes time for execution
it’s hard
but it’s an art we should probably be thankful to be learning
~
how rich are our lives going to be, an unfinished project, being articulated as we build over and under each other
it’s okay with me if someone else brings their supplies and joins up wherever, in the middle
nor of the west 